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Tarsi puts the Patti Smith into a parking orbit and we beam down with Tarsi and a random redshirt.
“Ensign Hunter? Nice to meet you. Too bad you won’t be around long enough for us to get to know you….”
There to greet us is Skarvin, a
DwarfTellarite engineer.
Mineral-rich, you say?
“I think someone chrome-plated this outcrop.”Shush.
“Oh, look. More rocks.”
choke “You don’t say.”aka @acousticrob#2239
Anyway, while we’re out doing our thing….
Things start exploding.
The explosions collapse the canyon we came through, cutting us off from Skarvin’s engineering team.
Who indeed?
Dun-dun-duuuuun!
(And man, look at those totally fake mirror-ball eyeballs. TOS Trek, man. I think their FX budget was about twelve bucks an episode.)
Anyway, the Gorn aren’t in any mood for a reasoned discussion about applied high explosives, so we shoot ’em.
See that one in the back there?
Yeah.
“Oh, fuuuuu–”
“Ow.”aka @acousticrob#2239
We clear out the Gorn and contact the Patti Smith to see what’s happening upstairs.
“That cloaked Romulan ship blew ’em up, didn’t it?”Later, Mel. Later.
“If I end up taking another boulder to the face down here….”
“I. Hate. You.”
“A bomb. You want us to make a bomb. Out of what, rocks?”
“That…might actually work. OK, let’s do this.”aka @acousticrob#2239
We go around and gather parts for Skarvin’s science project.
Coal.
Sulfur.
“No, it’s OK, dude. Just walk through where I’m working.”
Bamboo tubes.
More Gorn.
KNO3
Skavrin and Hunter (our redshirt) start working on the bombs.
“He’s gonna blow his fucking head off, isn’t he?”
While Mel and Tarsi hold off the Gorn.
aka @acousticrob#2239
The redshirts finish their preparations without blowing themselves up, and Mel goes and places the bombs.
“We got the neutron bomb. We got the neutron bomb! We got the neutron–“
“Captain?” “Never mind, Tarsi. Never mind.”(Mel is singing “We Got the Neutron Bomb” by the Weirdos. It doesn’t look like we can embed Youtube videos here but you can listen to it here.)
“Fire in the hole!”
I assume Tarsi’s behind us somewhere.
“Awesome.”aka @acousticrob#2239
We climb out of the canyon and head back to where we left the science team.
“Aw, shit.”
You know how this ends.
“Ha!”
“Don’t worry, Doctor, we’ve got this. Mel to Patti Smith, four to beam up.”Yes, four–Skavrin’s coming with us, and Hunter somehow survived the mission.
“Whoa. They’re venting a lot of plasma. Hail them, Tarsi.”
“We’ve got your back, Captain. The Gorn may have left for now, but they’ll be back.”aka @acousticrob#2239
Sure enough:
“I hate being right sometimes.”We trade fire until the cruiser withdraws.
“We ran ’em off, Captain.”
“Gee, I wonder what that could possibly have been.”Sarcasm isn’t a good look on you, Mel.
“Shaddap. I didn’t see you down there getting hit by boulders.”McKinnon sends her sensor scans over and we go check out the wreckage of the Gorn ship.
“No. Fucking. Way.”aka @acousticrob#2239
“Of course they are. Disable their weapons subsystems and then hail them.”
We knock their weapons and engines offline without taking too much damage.
Oooo, this one’s got <i>red</i> mirror-ball eyes.
“That wasn’t us. It was the Romulans.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. They’ve got cloaking devices. It’s what Romulans fucking do.”
“Do it.”aka @acousticrob#2239
“Cooooool.”
And there they are.
“Two of them? Fuck my life.” “The Romulans are hailing us, Captain.” “Onscreen.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so. Tarsi, come around on my mark and open fire.”aka @acousticrob#2239
We’re pretty badly outnumbered.
But luckily for us, the Gorn get their weapons back online and jump into the fight.
On our side.
One down.
Two.
Trek never looked so good back in the day.
The last Romulan ship didn’t stand a chance.
“Works for me. Just fucking believe us the next time we say there are Romulans around. Patti Smith, out.”aka @acousticrob#2239
“And if they do, we’ll kick their butts again. Have fun exploiting the planet, McKinnon.”
“Let’s get the fuck out of here, Tarsi. Warp three.”
And that’s In the Shadow of Cestus. Stay tuned for our next episode, Painful Omens!
aka @acousticrob#2239
Here we go:
“On it.”
We warp over to Beta Foracis III and attempt to hail the station.
“That’s not good. Keep trying to raise anybody who’ll answer and go to yellow alert.”
“Aw, fuck. Red alert. Target their weapons and engines–I want them disabled, not destroyed.”
We take some hits.
But at the end of the day they’re the ones venting plasma, not us.
aka @acousticrob#2239
“Yeah, no fuck. Hail them again. Maybe now that they’re disabled they’ll want to talk to us.”
“You aren’t making any sense, Daugherty. Who’s taking control? What’s happening on the station?”
The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.”
“The fuck are you talking about?”Never mind. Now that nobody’s shooting at us, why don’ t you scan the station?
No. That’s a stupid idea. Whatever happened to those ships came from the station. Do you want the crew of the Patti Smith to end up like those guys?
“Good idea, Tarsi. Get a landing party together and meet me in the transporter room.”…
“My ship. My rules.”aka @acousticrob#2239
Tarsi, Skavrin, and Ensign Hunter–who survived the previous mission somehow–
“Which means he’s doubly doomed this time around.”–beam over to K-13.
The lights are all dimmed, and there’s a lot of blast damage on the walls. It’s all phaser fire, though, there’s no disruptor or plasma damage, so they weren’t fighting the Klingons or Romulans.
“Let’s check sickbay. See if there are any wounded we can talk to.
There are no wounded crew in sickbay, but there is a medical officer tucked away in the isolation ward.
“You want me to do the Hokey Pokey too? And what the hell do you think we’re infected with?”
Aaaaah. This mission is a callback to the episode Operation–Annihilate!, where flying parasites that look like blobs of fake vomit take over a federation colony.
“Well, since none of us are trying to kill you then you can trust us. Right, ensign….”
“That’s sensible. Scan away.”aka @acousticrob#2239
She scans us and we all come up clean.
“Yeah so maybe we’re a little keyed up. What can we do about the parasites?”
“You’re a doctor, not a bricklayer?”
“Ma’am?” “Never mind. Suggestions?”
“Good thinking. Come on out and shoot us up, and then we’ll see what we can do about getting the glow lights turned on.”
T’Met comes out and inoculates us–and notice that her badge also isn’t the Starfleet insignia–while Mel tries to raise anybody on the internal comms.
aka @acousticrob#2239
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